The gap

During the opening weeks of this course I found myself shocked… no, make that completely AWESTRUCK, by the way in which I have somehow, despite five years of university and involvement in social circles that appeared to embrace all shapes, sizes, colours and fashions, have managed to remain so absolutely naïve to the heights of racism and inequality that still exist in contemporary society. Hearing stories in tutorials about the common retail practise of checking coloured people’s bags before they leave the store, or charging them more money than others to get into bars, was at odds with my world where intentional, venomous, assumptions based on the colour of one’s skin was something read about in textbooks, seen in films of faraway nations, a topic that ignited a sense of pity for the wayward arrogance of generations past… I couldn’t have been more ignorant. Me, someone who considers themselves a ‘crusader in the fight for equality for all’ has somehow successfully managed to dodge all of the signified manifestations of the present day to become just another clog that drives the wheel of racism and oppression, through the most vacuous of means; the failure to even notice that such issues exist. Of course I understood the strained race relations that are present both in our own country and abroad, but the day to day marginalising experiences of ordinary New Zealand citizens has left me feeling uncomfortable, and somewhat apologetic for the colour of my skin. At first I struggled to agree that skin colour could be some navigating power of identity, I am white and could not find any specific links in my lifestyle or values that innately link me to others of the same colour, gender – sure, nationality – of course, but not my complexion, and was initially determined to prove that it was culture that different races aligned themselves with, skin colour being only one of many descriptive aspects of different cultural definitions. However, the lecture on ‘whiteness’ has quickly relieved me of this notion, as I again have come to learn that my ignorance has prevented me from understanding the subtlety of many of today’s most serious issues – that the rules, procedures and values of my skin colour have become so ingrained into society, they are no longer noticeable. I am unable to identify with being white, because I am unable to determine what exactly ‘white’ is. The struggles I face in daily life are never attributed to the colour of my skin, because my skin colour is not ‘recognised’ but rather it simply exists, dominating regular society and blurring the lines between culture and skin colour. It is because of this blur, I feel so many of us are blind to the racial issues that still exist today. Because we do not carry the burden of being labelled, and actively believe skin colour holds no weight in regards to someone’s character or ability, we fail to recognise the horrendous judgements put on our peers, friends and acquaintances. We have become stuck in the gap between racism and active anti-racist movements – not directly conducting racist behaviour, but certainly not helping it. This is a gap I am determined to not let myself fall into again.